May 7: I once had a mentor who...

I think having a good mentor is a thing of luck. I was never looking for a mentor and initially didn't even know that I had one.

My mentors are women who have taught me good things, they have helped me navigate through stuff that life throws at me. I have had three mentors, all women.  It took about 6 months for me to realise the first time around. 

For the second, I was 22. I was working in finance and it was a man's world. A really really manny mans world. Most of the females were secretaries and admin staff. The women were in charge of cleaning the kitchens, organising the events and opening the mail. 

My team was managed by a woman. I will call her Vodka Queenpants, because that is her name. Ms Queenpants was a thirty something, smart, hilarious, courageous woman. She stood up for herself, for her team, for me, when I couldn't do it for myself. But she also pushed me to prove my value to the team. I was sent to Sydney to work on projects when I knew the team there doubted my skills (which meant I doubted my skills too). Ms Queenpants gave me work to do that I didn't always want to do. She made me speak in a lecture theatre to 200 men, all stockbrokers, mainly old. I probably lost five kilos from shaking with anxiety.

It wasn't just limited to work though. I was at a stage of confusion about what I wanted from a relationship, there were lot's of opportunities to meet men. I didn't always make the wisest choice. I got burnt, I did some burning. When I went out with Vodka Queenpants one night we played a little game. It was kind of a drinking game. 

For the first hour we were out, we sat at the bar and talked to all the men that came up to us and we told the truth. If they asked what we did, we told them how we worked in derivative markets at the Australian Stock Exchange, we helped develop new trading products, we ran trading groups and clubs, we knew the stock market. Guess what happened. Lot's of men walked away. Ok, pretty much all of them did. A few stayed for a drink.

The next hour, we had consumed a few extra drinks, and when we were approached at the bar, we told people we worked at the ice cream factory. She dipped the ice cream into the chocolate, then passed it to me and I dipped it in the nuts before adding it to the conveyer belt. We loved our jobs, we got great perks with free ice cream and we were having a night out in the big city. We giggled, we were so 'fun'.

FUCKING SWAMPED WITH DRINKS. 

The men it seemed thought this was a great job for us. It's all guesses why this happened. Ice cream is more fun, more people understand ice cream, ice cream is not intimidating, ice cream factory girls probably don't earn much and can benefit from a man buying them a drink. But the lesson is there too. Not all men want to hang out with an intelligent woman. Not all men can handle talking about things they don't understand. Not all men are worth going out with, no matter how nice their biceps look or how many pina coladas they buy you. 

Vodka Queenpants taught me that crazy ideas are ok, that last minute suggestions that come to you are fine, you just need to spend all night on it and be ready before the meeting. She taught me to make sure your name is on things you do. It is NOT ok, to just shrug it off when someone else submits your work as their own to the big boss. Have the guts to call the big boss and tell them that the work is yours. Have the guts to mention to your colleague that they seem to have added their name to your work. Be tough, be considerate. Be best friends with those women that do everything in the office because it is those women that hold most of the power and they are the women to have on your team. She taught me the power there is to promote people below you in the corporate food chain. Be that person that helps another woman get a better job. Be the person who notices and compliments the great work of other people. Be the positive comments. Be the change. 

Vodka Queenpants taught me it was ok to be the red high heels among the thick blue ties. 

And she didn't even know she was doing it.