Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Nearly ten things NOT to buy the under threes

We all have items we have purchased, received or borrowed for the toddler that didnt work out to be all they should.

So to help everyone out here is my list of things not to buy.

First up, those lovely soaps that smell yummy and look exactly like a fruit, a doughnut or cake. They are so good that they will be licked, chewed and swallowed in moments.

Closely followed by bath crayons, forget what the packaging says, they DO NOT easily wash off. They require much domestos and scrubbing...before you even get to the tiles and bath.

Rollerskates. Even if they have Dora on them.



Crayola grip hold Tadoodles, they will not teach a child to hold a pencil, they won't even be able to be held by a toddler. They will easily have the ink suckered right out of them and your child will end up looking like you dipped them head first into a bucket of paint.


More like Cranky Clairey by the end of it.


Steve Parish story books. These are the dullest books to read to toddlers. Same image every page pretty much and as a double whammy, boring stories too. Parish is a great photographer, end of boring story!

A 500 piece jigsaw. The child will not sit and watch and look for the edges. They will throw it around, hide the pieces, stand on what you have done already and wonder why you are not playing with them.

A real golf club, even a junior size one, no Mr H, your daughters are not to be trained to play golf to fund your retirement.

A real cricket ball. It will hurt, but not the child. Your windows, your bodily parts, your walls, your renovation budget.

A real china tea set, handed down from Great Granny. It shall not be handed down again.

I cant think of number ten, help me out, what have you bought, received or gifted a small child that just worked out all wrong?


  1. Drum kit. Even a cute miniature one. Just don't.

  2. Jigsaw puzzle books. Who ever thought a book with pages made of puzzle pieces would work was wrong. Very very wrong.

    Also, a Hi 5 guitar. Just say no.

  3. Those outside lawnmowers for kids...just plain annoying!!

  4. Play Doh
    Craft Packs
    Play musical instruments, if I could remember who gave my first born that Wiggles guitar, they would have a funny walk from said guitar being shoved up their ass.

    Sorry rant over...


  5. twitter followers have also been saying the lawn mower is a killer, so I guess no one wants to know the bubble blowing noisy mower is on sale right now???

  6. Excellent list. (parish particluarly) and I have spend many hours rubbing fucking bath crayons off tiles. HATE.

  7. Awesome list. Please add babushka dolls. Every half of every size doll gets strewn across the house and are perfect for rolling one's ankles on.

  8. Bonds easysuits. They are not easy.

  9. Naomi do you mean the ones with not a single button? I nearly busted Imogen trying to wrangle her into one of those. I bought them all thinking how great they were...useless.

  10. My son was given those crayola texta's when he was one - he is now about to turn three and still unable to use them without making one huge mother of a mess!

  11. This is so great Clairey!! I would add some more Crayola items to that list. The crayons that seem an awful lot like texta when you're trying to scrub them off the child's face. And yes, school photos were the next day.

    Image now kept forever.


  12. any bloody noisey toys yes the lawn mower, the wiggles guiter had 2 of the bloody things, craft packs . Paints that have to paint with books . and bloody balloons

  13. Mr 1 loves the Steven Parish books - but I wish you on the lawnmower, aggggrh!

  14. So agree Claire. Those Crayolas snapped on first outing. Don't get me started on Steve Parish, the koala story doesn't even make sense!
    Dave would say, anything with in a Playdoh box

  15. MOON SAND sorry to yell but it was an awful gift, I hate it, and I have hid it under the bed waiting for a chance to toss it away forever.

  16. Anything that doesn't have an off switch or removable batteries.

  17. Right, I have no idea what it is, but Moon sand is now on the list.

    Is it like magic sand?

  18. Jigsaw books and playdough. Just threw the pieces from a jigsaw book out, they are paper thin, pieces go missing and who on earth thought it was a good idea? The book doesn't even sit straight.

  19. Gelli baff - scared the toddler and took days to get down the drain, weeks to remove the scummy film off everything!

    ornaments. you know the cute little thingies grandmas and the like love to give? they sit around and get in my way when i want to dust the windowsill.

    any type of jigsaw except a board/block type. they do not care, and i just wait until they tip it out and vacuum up the bits.

    Any type of lego-ish thing. especially if it is not genuine duplo or whatever. it will never match with what you have and will be the cause of much swearing when i step on it!

    soft toys. my children could bounce forever on a soft fluffy cloud of all the stuffed shit they have been given which does nothing but take up space. I give away/throw out/burn anything that is not their bedtime stuffy.

    Those porcelein clown dolls on swings. the cause of many nightmares but still people think they are "collectable"?? yeah, maybe if you are a crazed goth but my toddlers not a fan okay?

    nuff said.

  20. Dancing Dora Dolls...'nuff said.

  21. bead sets. Tiny beads EVERYWHERE. And dodgy synthetic pink clothes with pictures of Disney characters on them. Seriously?

  22. Such a great post as I am birthday shopping tomorrow for Annabelle's second birthday next week - I now know exactly what NOT to buy!


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