Tuesday, April 10, 2012

How to Faux Camp. Your step by step guide.

Every Easter Family de Hewitt pick a place to go camping. Not just the four of us, no, we don't do little at  celebration times. Just like at Christmas, when around 65 of us come together, at Easter we do the same.

There is just one little problem.

They go camping.

I am just not much of a camper. I have a long list of reasons why, but I think we can classify most people into two 'camps'. The campers and the non-campers...and then there is me, the Faux Camper.

Here is how you Faux Camp.

Start with shopping for Easter clothes
  • Tell people you are going camping at Easter, especially the kids.
  • Pack: This takes a couple of days, you need the fishing rods, the Esky to be cleaned from last year, gumboots need to be found (has anyone seen Popps' red gumboots? Brand new ones lost somewhere in the house) Include multiple outfits for the kids. Include excessive amounts of food. 
  • Get up really early Easter morning
  • Drive to Family de Hewitt Easter camp
  • Unpack.

This is where the kids now run off, Mr H sets up fishing rods, you start chatting with everyone and request another fire closer to the river, please.

Excuse the random VB bottle, must have been from another family. Three Generations of campers, Grandpa is now also a Faux Camper!

You now start the walks back and forward to the toilets as apparently the girls never need to go at the same time.

You watch Mr H have to jump in the river to fish out the fishing rod, sans fish.

Your kids learn about the pest of the Australian Rivers as a pile of dead carp begin to grow.

Sausages and burgers are cooked over the fire.

An Easter egg hunt of massive proportions begins as cousins big and small work together to build a stash of eggs and ensure they have not left a single egg hidden in the bush.

Who needs shoes? There is a mud pit, so you just let them go in it. You know where it is going to end but it doesn't really matter.

The smalls will empty out the worm bait bucket and start playing worm families. Some Aunties will gladly accept live worms in their pockets, you know, to keep the babies warm.

There is a lot of talking around the fire.

Everyone is happy.

Now it is dark.

Your camping trip is nearly over.

To end the Faux Camping:

  • Throw everything into the car.
  • Bribe the kids to get into the car as they start asking why we can't sleep here like everyone else.
  • Start the drive home. 
  • The kids will be asleep within 10kms and transfer straight to bed.
  • Shower in your own bathroom. 
  • Jump into your own bed.

The following day your laundry will still smell like a campfire.

PS We were at Bridgewater in Victoria. For those that love camping, this spot is available FREE for the rest of this year, but there are no powered sites, it is going to be developed into something non campish very soon, so get in before it really is all gone.


  1. I love that idea Claire! I am a non-camper, while my husband is a camper. You would think this is something we would have discussed before getting married, you know, like religion or how many kids we wanted.

    This might be the perfect solution! Or until I can convince Britz to give me a campervan....

  2. Love it Claire! I am definitely a non-camper but could give faux camping a go!

    1. It's very important who you choose to faux with. Most of our clan are professional campers and they have all the right essentials to help get me through the adventure!

  3. Ooh your a clever girl! I loathe tent sleeping but The Husband was always a camping fan.
    I compromised by buying a house in the country, now we can go yabby-ing, toast marshmallows around campfires and the kids can get muddy. And I know I can just run inside and use a real toilet if I need to! ;)

  4. That sounds exactly how I like to go camping !!!! Al's family did the caravaning / camping thing but we never did and I HATE the camping thing. I would rather poke myself in the eye with a blunt stick than go camping !!!!

  5. I have fond memories of camping with my Aunty n cousins but it was at caravan parks where tent pegs overlapped n u could here the next person snore! My hubby grew up camping as u did no facilities just nature, family n fun! I also did camp america 10 yrs ago n lived in a tent mash style n a latrine toilet. I was on guard of kids 24/7! We actually had a deer come through our tent! N a mouse had babies in my back pack! I'm a stay in comfort now! Although it's fun I hate the late night toilet runs! Looks like you had fun though!

  6. I loved camping as a kid. Have been soothed to sleep many a night (and afternoon when bored) by a billowing canvas wall. BUT..... the husband haaates it. We have to settle somewhere in the middle. I prefer to camp in "luxury" - it can be done! - and take crazy amounts of home comforts. Because I'm apparently a bit of a camp princess. And I'm not talking as in Julian Clairey.

  7. Oh, I like your camping. I like it a LOT! Definitely more my style!


  8. Love it!! We faux camp all the time, near Gundagai, better yet, the husband do all the cooking too, damper, lamb, whatever they might be caught?? While we ladies lounge around on rugs & enjoy our children & constantly replace jeans/ shorts/ knickers - whatever they have managed to get wet in the last round of not-going-too-close-to-the-water. Yummy. I've even dozed off under the warm skies, it's bliss.
    My husband is an infantry soldier & camps for a living, only in places were you get blown up, so he refuses to camp, unless it's just him & his best mate. That's fine, these boys have 6 daughgters & 1 son between them, we wives are very happy back at the hotel. Love Posie

  9. i agree thats the only way to camp, and very funny seeing Mr H jump into the river to get his pink fishing rod!! hehehe. great day!


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