Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Eleven

It has taken eleven years for Easter Tuesday to fall on April 22 again.










Eleven years ago this girl was born.

Eleven years ago today she was eleven days old.

She didn't notice the helicopter swoop in.

She had not devoured the chocolate eggs her big brothers were allowed to indulge in.

She did not hear the whispered promises I made to her biggest brother as he lay in ICU that day or the way I bargained with all my powers to a God that didn't listen.

Eleven years is a long time, but it's not really very long at all.

It's long enough for us to have two more weddings and to welcome five new babies into our immediate family. Long enough to travel, to learn, to make marvellous friends. It's long enough to smile again. And laugh. It's enough time to learn that it's more than ok for people to grieve and also be happy at the same time. It's enough time to learn that if God was real he wouldn't take babies from earth before their time, but to let you also indulge in the belief of a heaven, a paradise for children to play in eternally.

It's not long enough that sometimes when you least expect it a song will come on the radio that makes you think of a boy that was only on earth for three years and eight months but who changed the world for you. Because Lochie, the pain in our hearts will always feel like a piece of us is on fire, no matter what it looks like on the outside after eleven years.



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14 comments:

  1. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  2. I cried when I got to the helicopter part. Much love to all xxxx

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  3. Thinking of you, your family and little Lochie. Much love xox.

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  4. Wow, I can't even imagine- sounds like you've been through a lot x

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  5. Oh Claire, there are no words. I can't begin to think of the pain. I know time makes the ache duller but there are still those raw parts for which there is never anything that can protect. A song, a smell, single words even and everything comes rushing back as though it were yesterday. xoxo

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  6. So sorry Claire. What a terrible terrible loss, for you and your whole family. Thinking of you xxx

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  7. Beautifully written.
    Nothing can match the pain of losing a child. Even 111 years from now your descendants will feel it. Just ask the families of ANZACs the sadness never gets any easier.
    Carolyn - Desire Empire

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  8. A lovely post Claire. Many hugs. x

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  9. I'm sorry for your loss Claire :( Sending you lots of love xoxo

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  10. Oh Claire. I'm so sorry. I have no words but yours are beautiful.

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  11. Lovely heartfelt post, Claire. Thanks for sharing. xx

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  12. Wow, such an amazing piece of writing Claire. I so wish your beautiful family could one day see this little man again. Much love to your family on this terribly hard anniversary. Xx

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