Pages

Monday, October 22, 2012

Have you seen my Dad around? We seem to have lost him


On Friday I had lunch with my Dad and Mum.

Mum and I were meeting up while Dad was getting a dose of unicorn dust injected into him. Unicorn dust that only just became available and is a new shining light for those rare few people who get diagnosed with Amyloidosis.

As I waited for the sangas to be ready Mum grabbed a table and I noticed from the distance a man was pulling out a chair on the other side. Then I noticed it was Dad. I skipped over, asked what he wanted to eat and confirmed his dose of unicorn dust had been administered, he had been much faster than we expected.

All was done. The nurse was lovely and said he was good to go.

The three of us had a lovely catch up, Dad had shiny fancy new black boots to show me. He would have ten days before more unicorn dust would be administered which meant no trips to the hospital next week. He was organizing things for this and that and had invites to here and there. He is always always busy. We talked some politics for a bit, we talked about coloured jeans, we discussed the bathroom renovations and how my little girls were. I reminded him of the ebook we were making and how he needed to record himself reading the story.

They left, with mum driving the new car that Dad bought last week, it is lovely, Dad really would have liked to drive but we weren't sure if he might think he actually was a unicorn and start trying to fly.

They shopped in towns along the way home, taking five hours to complete the three hour journey.

Life was good.

Until a phone call at 6.30 am.

The call that has made the world go dark. A slimy teary confusing sea of horrid.

They, whoever 'they' are, keep saying my Dad is gone.

I am not sure. I can't feel his presence or his spirit, and he is not answering my calls. I looked all over for him, I sat in his veggie garden and kept sneaking up to his computer desk to try and glimpse him, but he never showed up.

I tried an email, still no luck.

He is not replying to my text messages or Facebook messages.

The people, you know 'those' people, they cant tell me why they think he died, but they did let me see another man.

He looked like my Dad, but he was way way too cold. I tried really hard to warm him up, I held his hand for ages, I blowed kisses and hugged with all my might but that man didn't talk back to me.

My Dad, he would talk back to me. He would never not talk to me.

So if you see my Dad let me know, because I really really need to find him.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

65 comments:

  1. Oh Claire, I am so so sorry.
    That must have been such a hard post to write.
    I know how you feel. I've lost my Mum. It's awful. She does came back though, sometimes, in the smile or odd expression of my kids. But that doesn't make it any easier - not at all.
    Thinking of you and sending you strength for the days and weeks and months that follow.
    x Rhi

    ReplyDelete
  2. ((hugs)) - I have no words. Thinking of you xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Claire, I am so sorry. Like Rhi said, it's not the same and it won't make it easier now, but he will come back in memories, in those random thoughts we have about our loved ones, a smile from someone, a laugh from someone else. Thinking of you and your family. kate xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. You'll find him again Claire...that special relationship you have will never be lost, just changed
    x

    ReplyDelete
  5. My heart aches for yours... there are no words.
    Just... I am sorry

    ReplyDelete
  6. Claire, the suddenness of your dad's death took me by surprise in this post. No doubt much the same as you. I'm so so sorry to read about your loss. May you and your family be enveloped by hugs and love. Xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm so sorry to hear this beautifully expressed news. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. My thoughts are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Darling Claire I am weeping for you. All of the heavy things your no-doubt beautiful family need to do this week, all of the "stuff." Please know I am sending you my fiercest love and strength, thinking of you every day.

    XXXXXXXXXXXXX

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh so sorry to hear that Claire. I had to re-read it twice as I couldnt believe he had gone. My thoughts are with you all. XXX

    ReplyDelete
  10. So so sorry. Thinking of you. xo

    ReplyDelete
  11. So sorry to hear that. Losing a parent is such a hard thing to go through. You will treasure the last day that you spent with him always. When I lost my Mum, my beautiful kids gave me the strength I needed, I hope yours help you too. X0

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bloody hell. That sucks so badly.

    (I misplaced my dad about 16 years ago)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am so sorry Claire. He is not lost, just on vacation, he is always inside you. Keep him close until you meet again. Sending you love and strength. xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  14. Love you sweetheart. Here for whatever you need.
    xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm so sorry to hear your heartbreaking news.
    You will find your dad again, and he will be waiting for you with open arms xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  16. How beautifully you wrote that Clairey....a magical piece of Dad is hidden there I'm sure. Since this quite fast moving & quite shocking news of Dad's very serious illness it has taken a toll. Now the shock. "Where is he?"I am so sorry my dear C, and for one tiny moment in the wee hours I'm glad I could answer your tweet "is anyone there?" Big hugs to you Denyse xx

    ReplyDelete
  17. Such heartbreaking news Claire. I can't begin to imagine the depth of your sadness. Thinking of you and your family. xo

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm looking for my dad still, two years on... Big hugs. The hole in your heart is overwhelming right now. Hold each other close & cry buckets. xx

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh darling! My heart is breaking for you, hold tight, you will find him, just in a difference place you have never visited before. Give in to it all xx

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thinking of you. Hoping you find the strength to do what needs to be done xx

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh honey, what a sad and heavy heart you must have. But what an absolutely beautiful piece of writing to honour your loving father. He sounded like a magnificent person. So glad you got to see him just before. Hugs and love xx

    ReplyDelete
  22. I truly love and adore you Claire and I am so, so, so sorry. Sending you all my love loveliest lady xxxxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  23. I so wish I could wrap my arms around you right now, and take away the heaviness in your heart Hun. Love to you and yours. Xxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  24. You will find him again Claire. Finish that book, do the reading yourself if you have to. His memories are all around. Much love to you xx

    ReplyDelete
  25. my heart aches for you all but I simply don't have the words to say it. Hold your girls and your dear mum tight. So sorry....

    ReplyDelete
  26. Claire I'm so sad for you, your mum and your family. Be there for each other, and take comfort in those that are there for you. Don't be afraid to cry....it helps a lot xx

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh Claire I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine. xo.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Claire, I am so, so sorry. Sending you all my love. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  29. Claire honey. My heart is aching for you, the biggest aches. Much love xx

    ReplyDelete
  30. I can only echo what the others have said. So very sad for you Claire.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Heartbreaking, Claire. This was such a powerful post, but I'm afraid it's come at the expense of your heart. I'm really really sorry this has happened to you and your family. My thoughts are with you. Kx

    ReplyDelete
  32. Much love to you. I found this poem really comforting when I 'lost' my dad xx
    http://www.poeticexpressions.co.uk/poems/death%20is%20nothing%20at%20all%20-%20canon%20henry%20scott-holland.htm

    ReplyDelete
  33. :-((

    You know where I am, if you need ANYTHING!

    ReplyDelete
  34. So sorry, Claire. Sending you hugs. You'll find him.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Thinking of you and your family, lovely Claire. Sending you my love and strength as you need it now more than I do. xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  36. So sorry, Claire. Sending you hugs. You'll find him.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Oh Clairey :(

    Much love to you and yours

    ReplyDelete
  38. So sorry to hear this news. My own father passed away at this time (tomorrow) last year and I still miss him and think of him every single day.

    Deb

    ReplyDelete
  39. Love and strength to you Claire.I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad. xox
    I miss my Dad every day too.

    ReplyDelete
  40. oh honey I am so sorry. so very sorry. <3
    There are no words. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  41. Oh Claire, tears streaming down my cheeks. Much love to you and your family. Sending all the strength and love I can online. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  42. There is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said above... you and your family are in my thoughts and my prayers lovely girl. xx

    ReplyDelete
  43. Just more love, thoughts, hugs, strength and clarity. xx

    ReplyDelete
  44. This is beautiful and heartbreaking. I am so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Oh Claire :( Thinking of you and wishing I could bring him back for you xx

    ReplyDelete
  46. oh, my. dear heart. all my love and light sent to you right this moment.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Claire, a tear is sliding downy cheek as I write this. I'm so sorry. Your Dad sounds so precious, and I can't help but feel I wished I knew him. Much love to you and yours x

    ReplyDelete
  48. So sorry to here this. Love and support to your you and your family xxx

    ReplyDelete
  49. Am gutted for you. Sending you all the love in the universe. x

    ReplyDelete
  50. Oh dear Claire :( I can't believe I only just read this :( hugs and thoughts of love and strength coming your way, I wish I could hug you right now xxx

    ReplyDelete
  51. So many tears I have tears in my ears. I'm just so, so sorry. Love to you all. And to your dear Mum.

    ReplyDelete
  52. I know there is nothing I could say to make things better. My heart goes out to you and your family. I love my dad to pieces and can't imagine what you are going through right now. Jacinta

    ReplyDelete
  53. I'm so sorry, Claire. I didn't know your Dad but something tells me he would be proud of what you have written for him here.

    Thinking of you all. xx

    ReplyDelete
  54. I'm so sorry. One of life's toughest challenges is losing people we love. Thinking of you all xxx

    ReplyDelete
  55. What a shock for you, Claire. I am so sorry. What a beautiful, moving post. Take big care of you...

    ReplyDelete
  56. Oh Clairey! No! I'm so sorry and sad to hear this. Thinking of you, your family and the awful shock you must all be in. X

    ReplyDelete
  57. Oh Clairey! No! I'm so sorry and sad to hear this. Thinking of you, your family and the awful shock you must all be in. X

    ReplyDelete
  58. I'm so sorry to read this. I can't imagine the shock of losing someone with no warning. I at least had time to grieve before my Mum went.

    I'm thinking of you, and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  59. I'm so sorry to read this. My thoughts are with you and your family at this shocking time. xxoxx

    ReplyDelete
  60. How devastating. I am so sorry that reality is so harsh. I am thinking of you and your family x

    ReplyDelete
  61. Here I am browsing blogs...and I came across yours. I've never read it before...and I've never met you or your family....but I was in tears. I truly felt your pain in this beautifully written post and I wish you and your family peace and comfort at this terrible time.

    ReplyDelete
  62. I am so sorry, Claire, I cannot even imagine how hard this must be for you and your family x

    ReplyDelete

Commenting brings amazing luck, you must try it and see how you go!