Monday, October 22, 2012

Have you seen my Dad around? We seem to have lost him

On Friday I had lunch with my Dad and Mum.

Mum and I were meeting up while Dad was getting a dose of unicorn dust injected into him. Unicorn dust that only just became available and is a new shining light for those rare few people who get diagnosed with Amyloidosis.

As I waited for the sangas to be ready Mum grabbed a table and I noticed from the distance a man was pulling out a chair on the other side. Then I noticed it was Dad. I skipped over, asked what he wanted to eat and confirmed his dose of unicorn dust had been administered, he had been much faster than we expected.

All was done. The nurse was lovely and said he was good to go.

The three of us had a lovely catch up, Dad had shiny fancy new black boots to show me. He would have ten days before more unicorn dust would be administered which meant no trips to the hospital next week. He was organizing things for this and that and had invites to here and there. He is always always busy. We talked some politics for a bit, we talked about coloured jeans, we discussed the bathroom renovations and how my little girls were. I reminded him of the ebook we were making and how he needed to record himself reading the story.

They left, with mum driving the new car that Dad bought last week, it is lovely, Dad really would have liked to drive but we weren't sure if he might think he actually was a unicorn and start trying to fly.

They shopped in towns along the way home, taking five hours to complete the three hour journey.

Life was good.

Until a phone call at 6.30 am.

The call that has made the world go dark. A slimy teary confusing sea of horrid.

They, whoever 'they' are, keep saying my Dad is gone.

I am not sure. I can't feel his presence or his spirit, and he is not answering my calls. I looked all over for him, I sat in his veggie garden and kept sneaking up to his computer desk to try and glimpse him, but he never showed up.

I tried an email, still no luck.

He is not replying to my text messages or Facebook messages.

The people, you know 'those' people, they cant tell me why they think he died, but they did let me see another man.

He looked like my Dad, but he was way way too cold. I tried really hard to warm him up, I held his hand for ages, I blowed kisses and hugged with all my might but that man didn't talk back to me.

My Dad, he would talk back to me. He would never not talk to me.

So if you see my Dad let me know, because I really really need to find him.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

65 comments:

  1. Oh Claire, I am so so sorry.
    That must have been such a hard post to write.
    I know how you feel. I've lost my Mum. It's awful. She does came back though, sometimes, in the smile or odd expression of my kids. But that doesn't make it any easier - not at all.
    Thinking of you and sending you strength for the days and weeks and months that follow.
    x Rhi

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  2. ((hugs)) - I have no words. Thinking of you xxx

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  3. Claire, I am so sorry. Like Rhi said, it's not the same and it won't make it easier now, but he will come back in memories, in those random thoughts we have about our loved ones, a smile from someone, a laugh from someone else. Thinking of you and your family. kate xx

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  4. You'll find him again Claire...that special relationship you have will never be lost, just changed
    x

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  5. My heart aches for yours... there are no words.
    Just... I am sorry

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  6. Claire, the suddenness of your dad's death took me by surprise in this post. No doubt much the same as you. I'm so so sorry to read about your loss. May you and your family be enveloped by hugs and love. Xxxx

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear this beautifully expressed news. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. My thoughts are with you.

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  8. Darling Claire I am weeping for you. All of the heavy things your no-doubt beautiful family need to do this week, all of the "stuff." Please know I am sending you my fiercest love and strength, thinking of you every day.

    XXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  9. Oh so sorry to hear that Claire. I had to re-read it twice as I couldnt believe he had gone. My thoughts are with you all. XXX

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  10. So so sorry. Thinking of you. xo

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  11. So sorry to hear that. Losing a parent is such a hard thing to go through. You will treasure the last day that you spent with him always. When I lost my Mum, my beautiful kids gave me the strength I needed, I hope yours help you too. X0

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  12. Bloody hell. That sucks so badly.

    (I misplaced my dad about 16 years ago)

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  13. I am so sorry Claire. He is not lost, just on vacation, he is always inside you. Keep him close until you meet again. Sending you love and strength. xxxx

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  14. Love you sweetheart. Here for whatever you need.
    xoxoxoxo

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  15. I'm so sorry to hear your heartbreaking news.
    You will find your dad again, and he will be waiting for you with open arms xoxox

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  16. How beautifully you wrote that Clairey....a magical piece of Dad is hidden there I'm sure. Since this quite fast moving & quite shocking news of Dad's very serious illness it has taken a toll. Now the shock. "Where is he?"I am so sorry my dear C, and for one tiny moment in the wee hours I'm glad I could answer your tweet "is anyone there?" Big hugs to you Denyse xx

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  17. Such heartbreaking news Claire. I can't begin to imagine the depth of your sadness. Thinking of you and your family. xo

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  18. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm looking for my dad still, two years on... Big hugs. The hole in your heart is overwhelming right now. Hold each other close & cry buckets. xx

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  19. Oh darling! My heart is breaking for you, hold tight, you will find him, just in a difference place you have never visited before. Give in to it all xx

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  20. Thinking of you. Hoping you find the strength to do what needs to be done xx

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  21. Oh honey, what a sad and heavy heart you must have. But what an absolutely beautiful piece of writing to honour your loving father. He sounded like a magnificent person. So glad you got to see him just before. Hugs and love xx

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  22. I truly love and adore you Claire and I am so, so, so sorry. Sending you all my love loveliest lady xxxxxxxxxx

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  23. I so wish I could wrap my arms around you right now, and take away the heaviness in your heart Hun. Love to you and yours. Xxxxxx

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  24. You will find him again Claire. Finish that book, do the reading yourself if you have to. His memories are all around. Much love to you xx

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  25. my heart aches for you all but I simply don't have the words to say it. Hold your girls and your dear mum tight. So sorry....

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  26. Claire I'm so sad for you, your mum and your family. Be there for each other, and take comfort in those that are there for you. Don't be afraid to cry....it helps a lot xx

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  27. Oh Claire I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine. xo.

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  28. Claire, I am so, so sorry. Sending you all my love. xxx

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  29. Claire honey. My heart is aching for you, the biggest aches. Much love xx

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  30. I can only echo what the others have said. So very sad for you Claire.

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  31. Heartbreaking, Claire. This was such a powerful post, but I'm afraid it's come at the expense of your heart. I'm really really sorry this has happened to you and your family. My thoughts are with you. Kx

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  32. Much love to you. I found this poem really comforting when I 'lost' my dad xx
    http://www.poeticexpressions.co.uk/poems/death%20is%20nothing%20at%20all%20-%20canon%20henry%20scott-holland.htm

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  33. :-((

    You know where I am, if you need ANYTHING!

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  34. So sorry, Claire. Sending you hugs. You'll find him.

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  35. Thinking of you and your family, lovely Claire. Sending you my love and strength as you need it now more than I do. xxxx

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  36. So sorry, Claire. Sending you hugs. You'll find him.

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  37. Oh Clairey :(

    Much love to you and yours

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  38. So sorry to hear this news. My own father passed away at this time (tomorrow) last year and I still miss him and think of him every single day.

    Deb

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  39. Love and strength to you Claire.I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad. xox
    I miss my Dad every day too.

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  40. oh honey I am so sorry. so very sorry. <3
    There are no words. xxx

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  41. Oh Claire, tears streaming down my cheeks. Much love to you and your family. Sending all the strength and love I can online. xxx

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  42. There is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said above... you and your family are in my thoughts and my prayers lovely girl. xx

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  43. Just more love, thoughts, hugs, strength and clarity. xx

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  44. This is beautiful and heartbreaking. I am so sorry.

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  45. Oh Claire :( Thinking of you and wishing I could bring him back for you xx

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  46. oh, my. dear heart. all my love and light sent to you right this moment.

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  47. Claire, a tear is sliding downy cheek as I write this. I'm so sorry. Your Dad sounds so precious, and I can't help but feel I wished I knew him. Much love to you and yours x

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  48. So sorry to here this. Love and support to your you and your family xxx

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  49. Am gutted for you. Sending you all the love in the universe. x

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  50. Oh dear Claire :( I can't believe I only just read this :( hugs and thoughts of love and strength coming your way, I wish I could hug you right now xxx

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  51. So many tears I have tears in my ears. I'm just so, so sorry. Love to you all. And to your dear Mum.

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  52. I know there is nothing I could say to make things better. My heart goes out to you and your family. I love my dad to pieces and can't imagine what you are going through right now. Jacinta

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  53. I'm so sorry, Claire. I didn't know your Dad but something tells me he would be proud of what you have written for him here.

    Thinking of you all. xx

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  54. I'm so sorry. One of life's toughest challenges is losing people we love. Thinking of you all xxx

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  55. What a shock for you, Claire. I am so sorry. What a beautiful, moving post. Take big care of you...

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  56. Oh Clairey! No! I'm so sorry and sad to hear this. Thinking of you, your family and the awful shock you must all be in. X

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  57. Oh Clairey! No! I'm so sorry and sad to hear this. Thinking of you, your family and the awful shock you must all be in. X

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  58. I'm so sorry to read this. I can't imagine the shock of losing someone with no warning. I at least had time to grieve before my Mum went.

    I'm thinking of you, and your family.

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  59. I'm so sorry to read this. My thoughts are with you and your family at this shocking time. xxoxx

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  60. How devastating. I am so sorry that reality is so harsh. I am thinking of you and your family x

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  61. Here I am browsing blogs...and I came across yours. I've never read it before...and I've never met you or your family....but I was in tears. I truly felt your pain in this beautifully written post and I wish you and your family peace and comfort at this terrible time.

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  62. I am so sorry, Claire, I cannot even imagine how hard this must be for you and your family x

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